Hi John,
In order to do what you are requiring would need to be done at the storage level and is not possible with the EVA4000s.
Basically you would require a replicated datastore that is R/W at the source and target array and presented as a path to the ESX server. This target array would have to replicate it's cache with the source array as all writes go through cache and both arrays would need to know about them. Add to this that replication would need to be both ways.
To answer some of your other questions, there is no virtual RAID controller in VMware. One of the solutions VMware provides for array/site failure is Site Recovery Manager but this does require an outage. We actually use this to keep the business going while doing site maintenane at our primary DC. Takes about an hour to failover, with most of this is shutting down the virtual machines at the primary site.
For you information the reason your software RAID failed is that if you pulled the storage that hosted the virtual machine configuration file then the virtual machine stops existing.
Now not bagging FT (Fault Tolerance) but be aware there are some limitations around its use - i.e. limited to 1 vCPU, still pointing at the same vmdk, etc
If you are concerned about array failure then I would look at replicating your datastore and potentially have a clone of this at the target site. This will mean if you have a failure of the source datastore (read somebody formats it) then you will still have a copy on the destination array - be it a time lagged copy.
May I ask a question - why this level of availability? The EVA4000s are not that unreliable that I'm aware of and VMware HA is pretty quick to restart virtual machines. Because they boot so fast an outage is normally least than a minute.
Kind regards,
Glen