If you are using the default appliance I would first make sure you are using the correct password. You could test it on the command line of the node you want to add by using something like 'mysql -h<existing primary hostname> -ugateway -p' it should ask you for the password. If you're able to connect that way, it should also work from the ssgconfig menu. If not, it could either be the password or the host which are denied. You can use standard mysql commands to grant access to the gateway user from the new host. But again, if you are using the default appliance it seems more likely to be a password issue.
If you want to see which user/host combinations are allowed, you can log in on the database on the existing host.
From the command prompt:
- mysql
- use mysql;
- select user, host from user;
This should give you a list with allowed user and host combinations. If there is a user 'gateway' with host '%', you should have access from anywhere and it must be a password issue. If not, look up the mysql grant syntax in the mysql docs online to add an entry for your new host.
Hope that helps.